NaPoWriMo Poem #30

Liars are
What I hate,
Yet I am
One that is
Horrible for lying,
So I must hate myself.

I have the talent
To lie to ones
Who trust me
And love me
Without them
Ever knowing.
And there’s
No doubt
That
I take advantage
Of this.

I can tell lies
From truths
Normally.
I have to say
Normally
Because I
Didn’t see yours.
Your lie has hurt me
Much more than ever expected;
I won’t forget it.
I can’t help
But to think about
Your lie now
And the pain it caused me
Whenever I
Lie to somebody
I care about.
So curses to you
For causing me to feel guilt
About my talent.

NaPoWriMo Poem #29

You’re beautiful, dear,
You are.
We’ve been through hell and back together, my dear,
We have.
I followed you following me down the deep path of our well,
And we’ve done so now so many times.
I promised to be with you through this all
And forever,
And I won’t break my promise to you.
We carry each other and pull each other and help each other,
And we never stop doing so
Because we know that
Alone,
We’ll fall again.
So with you I will stand,
Holding your hand
And keeping us strong
No matter what comes our way.

NaPoWriMo Poem #28

Three…
I only have three…
Three regrets.

i. Things overwhelmed me,
Panic settled in,
Hope was lost,
And there seemed to be
No other better choice.
Although I knew that
I could not do it right,
And I knew
The consequences of my actions,
I did it anyway
Out of pure
Desperation.
Because of this
I lost the one
I needed
And loved
Most.

ii. Peer pressure is
Underrated.
Some people will do
Anything
To fit in with the rest.
Some others are just
Afraid
To lose people,
So will do what they can
To keep them,
Even if that means losing
A few
Brain cells.

iii. Why couldn’t I
Just say yes?

I got tangled up
In my own
Strings
And caught up
In my own
Game.
I fucked myself over
By trying
To fuck everyone else over.
I put too much on my plate
And dropped it,
Letting everything
Go flying
In every which direction.
I’m scrambling to
Collect it all again,
But some are lost now
For good.

I should have just said yes
And saved myself from such
Disaster.

NaPoWriMo Poem #27

Blessed with a high intelligence,
But wasted potential you are
When you act like
The rest of society;
Stupid.
Don't be so afraid to
Show what you have,
Even if it means
Losing the ones you
Hold close to you,
Because not doing so
Lost you
The most important ones
Of all.
And now you're left
Regretting your stupidity
And unable to get them back.
Rip yourself
Out of this loophole
Of stupidity
You've put yourself in
And remake yourself.

NaPoWriMo Poem #26

That
Was my pathetic attempt.
What the fuck
Happened to me?
What happened to
Who I used to be
And what I was able to do?
I’ve become a weak little bitch;
I’m susceptible to
Everyone and everything around me.
Where has my strength gone?
Have I really
Been beat upon so harshly
That I’ve become
This weak and scared?
This will be fixed.

NaPoWriMo Poem #25

I feel
So fucking
Manipulated and controlled.
I’m not used to
Being the one
Dangling on a string.
He’s got me danglin’
And doesn’t even know it.
Just like his brother
He’ll be;
And just as attached
I’ll be.

NaPoWriMo Poem #24

This is for the wishing,
And this is for the hoping.

I’ll casually pluck
Long-grown eyelashes from my eyelids
And gently place them
One-by-one
On my fingertip.
I’ll turn around to face the window,
To face the sky,
To face the moon
And the surrounding stars.
I’ll close my eyes tight
And whisper my wish inside my head;
I don’t want to scream it
Because it would hold
Less meaning to me if I did.
When I open my eyes,
I’ll blow my eyelash to the sky
With the slightest breath-blown wind.
In my imagination,
The wind carries it
All the way up into the sky
Till it hits the moon
Or its stars;
There, my wish will be
Taken into consideration.

NaPoWriMo Poem #22

I wanted to apologize,
I wanted to explain.
I went straight up to your door,
Placed my finger on the doorbell,
Then said “fuck it,”
Turned around,
And started walking home
Just as the rain poured down.

Although I wandered off
Until darkness settled in.
Drenched in cold rain,
Enough was enough;
I needed a roof.
Hopped on a bus,
Heading for home.
Stepped off back into
The blinding rain,
Ran across that street,
And bam-
Gone without a goodbye.

NaPoWriMo Poem #21

Until I am no more.

Sink my body in the ice-cold ocean
Until I am no more.
Scratch my soft skin into
A shreded, bloody mess
Until I am no more.
Let me run into the distance
Until I am no more.
Let me breathe throughout my entire life
Until I am no more.

NaPoWriMo Poem #20

I’ve been
Put under
Such a large amount
Of stress
And pressure
Lately
That it’s made me
Afraid.
All I am now
Is afraid to do
Or not to
Anything.
The fear is
Disabling me
From functioning
Properly.

NaPoWriMo Poem #19

Let’s switch bodies for a moment…
I want to be the one who’s able
To tower nearly a foot above
And wrap their long arms
Around your tiny body
In a giant teddy bear hug.
I want to embrace you
Into a warm, comforting hold.
I want to act as a
Protective shield for you.
I want you to
Bury your head in my chest.
I want to know
What all that feels like.

NaPoWriMo Poem #18

You grip my hand in yours,
Dragging me along with you
As if you’re afraid I’ll run away
If there’s a moment when you
Don’t have a hold on me.
You wrap your arm
Around my waist,
Showing all eyes
Looking in this direction
That you have me
Claimed as your own
Even though you don’t.

NaPoWriMo Poem #17

I used to
Protect you
From nightmares.
Now
I am
A nightmare.

NaPoWriMo Poem #16

When you’re walking
And you just have to
Stop
Because you don’t know how you got there.
Everybody turns around
To give you a questioning look
And tell you to hurry up,
But all you can do
Is stare at them.
Who are these people?
Why are you with them?
Where are you?
What are you doing?
And you
Don’t know.
Then everything changes…

NaPoWriMo Poem #15

From each finger of yours
Dangles a string
In which a person hangs.
You must be careful now, though
Of who you choose to be
A contestant.

Yes, that’s right,
This is all just a game.

Don’t just
Flail your fingers around aimlessly,
Because you should be afraid
Of who might latch on to your
Empty strings.
Effortlessly, you may wave them,
But keep an eye out
For which fish are grabbing on.
Knock off whoever
Poses a danger to
Your reputation or your heart.

Twirl your fingers slowly,
Wrapping up your toys;
The fragiles should be kept closest to you.
Search their bodies for
Thin strings attached elsewhere
And cut them;
They belong to you.
Give each one their
Moment of glory
By showering them with attention,
And keep their interest
With spices of affection.
Let them attach themselves
To you;
They’ll open themselves to you more
And then you’ll have access
To all that you want
To use.

Drain them,
Then cut them.

NaPoWriMo Poem #14

That monster that’s inside of you,
The one that’s attempting to devour your entire being…
I know him.
Although he did not sit in my body
The same way he sits in yours,
I am familiar enough with him
To know what he can do.
I recognize his effects on you already
And am scared.
If I had known what you were leaning into
Earlier,
I’d have warned you of this evil being
And saved you from his wicked grasps.
I don’t know what to do now, though,
Seeing as my experience with him
Was much different than yours is.
All I can do
Is sit here
And witness him
Strip you of yourself,
Praying that you’ll climb your way
Out of his grimy hands.
I fear that if I
Step too close to you,
He might crawl back into me
And torture me
As well.

NaPoWriMo Poem #13

The price to pay
For a little
Sane insanity
Is high.

Everything here
Goes in
Circles, and circles, and circles…

Sit back,
Relax,
And enjoy.
Close your eyes
And feel
Your body
Spinning and flipping,
And your stomach
Lurching
In every which way.
Open your eyes
And notice
The views
Rushing past
Your vision
With all the
Colorful, flashing lights.
The music
Pumps itself
Through your
Entire body,
Drowning out
Screams.

Spending my
Days and nights
In a place
That mirrors
The inside of my mind
Feels so nice.

NaPoWriMo Poem #12

This page
Beckons and calls me,
But all I’m able to do
Is stare blankly at it.
What can I do though
When I have nothing more to say?
The only words I have
Are too much
For this one poem;
I can’t even
Get them out of
My head
And into
Spoken or written words.
Anger blocks the way
Of words exiting my mind,
And I’m having troubles
Breaking down that barrier.

NaPoWriMo Poem #11

Spring is here
According to the calendar.
South-easterlies
And threats of snow
Tell me otherwise.
With hopes of
Warm weather
Coming soon,
I buy
Flowery dresses
So to
Take a bold step
Out of my comfort zone
When things heat up.
Nature messes with our heads
By teasing us with sun,
Then throwing at us
Cold rain and wind.
Tiny, pink flowers
Bloom from branches on
My sweet cherry tree,
Showing a clear sign that
The worst will soon be over.
Obnoxious birds
Tweet conversations
Across the sky
And flee from me
Whenever I step near them.
With such confusion
Of which season
It truly is,
I give up
On hiding inside my cloud
And instead plan out
A sunny future.

NaPoWriMo Poem #10

Warm water showers down
Upon my head,
Dripping rhythmically off my nose.
Warm water pounds at my back
Before slithering its way
Down my every body part
Until it
Comes in contact with
The tiled floor.
My fingers gently
Brush
Through my thick hair,
Washing out strawberry-scented shampoo.
The movement
Continues
At a slow, steady, trance-like pace
Without my awareness
Of it.
I place my mind elsewhere,
Losing myself
In a tornado
Of stressful thoughts.
As I focus
On the regrets I have
And my inexcusable
Stupidity,
My body reacts angrily.
Gentle fingers
Brushing through my hair
Tense up,
Speed up,
And then direct their force
Towards my skin,
Clawing
With intensity
At pale, flawless innocence.
My teeth search for
Areas inside my mouth
To rip apart;
They’re not satisfied
Until blood threatens
To choke me.

I step out of
A supposed relaxing escape
Covered in
Scratches on the outside
And holes on the inside.

Fornow

I feel so
Unsafe
Without you…

You were my happiness,
My protection…
You were the one to hold me
Close to you
And shield me,
The one to take my hand
And claim me as yours,
The one that made me feel
As if I’m not alone…

I just feel so
Naked,
Vulnerable,
Cold,
And alone
Without you
By my side.

NaPoWriMo Poem #9

I admire
What has always been
Above me:
The sky.
It’s always full
Of brilliance
For me.
With the sun
Providing Earth
With intense heat
And light,
And the moon and stars
Shining
So bright and beautiful
For me
When I need them most.

I wish that one day
I will be among
That which I admire most;
I will sparkle and shine
For you all.

NaPoWriMo Poem #8

These holes
That cover my skin
Represent
The holes
That are all over
My heart.
They’re left open
And unattended,
Bleeding.
Some holes
Get stabbed at
Too many times;
Others are only
One-shot deals.
It’s the holes
That are so lonely
And separated from the rest
That hurt the most, though;
Being stabbed at
Constantly
In one place
Allows you
To ignore the pain
Over time.

And although the holes
Heal
Physically,
They leave their marks
So I’ll never
Forget them.
And I know
They’ll be back.

I See the Sky

It hit so hard.
[I fell face first.]
I had no time
To put my hands out.
The ground
Slapped me
With such force
That I'm still
Left in a daze,
Unsure
Of where I am,
And what I
Need to do.

Farewell, Maybe.

If I leave,
Please,
Don't blame yourself
Or anybody else
For this.
It has nothing
To do
With anybody
Or anything
But myself.

Nothing will ever be enough.

It hurts...
But I know
That I deserved it.
And I still
Deserve worse.

NaPoWriMo Poem #7

Life is never worth it;
If you've been told differently,
Well,
You've been lied to.
That's no surprise, though;
Lies surround you.
You can't trust anybody,
I'm telling you;
Every honest person
Is a liar.
You're told
What you want to hear,
With faked emotions
And meaning
Behind it all.
It's kind of funny though,
Because lies
Are the worst
Things you can tell;
It's such a shame
That that's
All anybody will
Ever have
For you.

NaPoWriMo Poem #6

When it takes
So little
To destroy me,
I need
To back up.

I can't believe
A word
Spit from any mouth
Anymore.
I can't
Let anybody
Know me;
Nothing secret,
Nothing personal
Shall be known.
I can't allow
Closeness
To exist for me.

I just can't.

I will be
The one
That's there,
But so silent,
Unnoticed,
And unknown.

NaPoWriMo Poem #5

Anger builds up,
And up,
And up,
And it's all for nothing.
But there has to be release,
Because it's still there.
I'm desperate;
Any way to get rid of it
Will do.
I can't function
Properly
With such anger
Building up,
And up,
And up.

NaPoWriMo Poem #4

I can disappear too.

I can so easily
Remove myself
From the eyes
And lives
Of others,
Yet still be here.
From the shadows,
I can watch
As life goes on
Without me.
Nobody will realize
That there’s
One less person present.
Without the
Dramatized exit,
One can fade,
Hide,
Slowly
Disappear…

Just like that.

NaPoWriMo Poem #3

I use my dreams as an escape,
As many others do.
Life becomes too much
For me to bare,
So I slip away
To my most familiar place
That can shield me
From the horrors
Of the world around me.
It is there,
In my dreams,
Where I wander so freely.
Everything lies under
My control;
Nothing is able to
Catch me offguard.
Although I know
It's never real,
[It's all just fake fantasies]
I belong in this world
Of make-believe
More than I do
In reality.

I'm a dreamer
Caught up
In her own dreams;
I think
I'm meant to be
The dream,
Though.

So, if trying to escape from
My reality,
I die in my dreams,
I'll be as content as can be.

NaPoWriMo Poem #2

Time repeats itself.

Everything’s okay
At first;
Faking is easy.
I get ideas
Too easily though…
Ideas form
From the smallest of things,
And grow into the
Perfect, flawless plan;
No action is taken, though.
Little steps
Towards my goal
Are taken;
Cut by cut…
By cut, by cut, by cut…
By slice.
I cover my body
With layers of fear-
Fear that somebody
Will find out my secrets.
When the fear
And the stress
Piles up
And I become overloaded,
I know I have to hide;
I’m too much of a mess
To shield myself
If I expose myself to the public.
So I’ll sleep;
My dreams relieve me
From the reality I live,
And save me
From too-curious persons.
But the loneliness hits hard…
I’m left alone, like I asked,
Even though that’s not what I
Truly wanted.
I realize
That nobody understands…
And I wonder if my departure
Would really even matter
At this point.

NaPoWriMo Poem #1

Dancing sparks
Flitting from side to side,
Trickily dodge one another.
Slowly, they rise
Up into the
Cold air
Of a Winter night’s sky,
Glowing
Like orange and red fireflies would
Against a black, starless background.
Our comforting fire burns so bright
That the light illuminates
Out to curious eyes miles away.
Huddled around the fire
We stand,
Begging the colorful
Flames of the fire
To give us the warmth we need
To last us through till sunrise.
Our happy laughs bounce
Back to our ears,
Along with the sounds
Of our guitar and songs.
The glow of the fire
Highlights the smiles
Plastered on everyone's face.
There's just
No way
For one
To remember
Why
They were ever sad
To begin with
While they're part of this.