I'm Not Alone

Laying together
In bed,
With me comfortably
Resting my head upon
Your chest.
The sounds of
The beating of your heart
Pulsing through my ears
Mixed with the
Up-and-down motion of my head
As you
Breathe so gently
Makes it so
Easy
To doze off
Into a light sleep.
It’s so relaxing,
Calming, comforting,
And safe…
Every time
After waking up from quick naps with you,
It feels so nice
To feel your hand
Holding mine.

I'm Only Getting Worse...

I fear
That I have slowly tipped backwards
Into what I have already gone through.
I fear, though,
That this time
It's worse.

Anger boils and builds up
Beneath my skin,
Just barely hiding
From visibility.
Don't get too close to me;
Once you're able
To sense my anger,
You'll soon
See and feel it as well.
My venomous words
And movements
Will leave you with
Permanent destruction.

This experiment,
Unliked at first,
Has become more
Of a habit of mine.
The searing pain,
The dripping blood,
The irresistable itch...

It has all become
An addiction.
This feeling I get
Is fuel for me;
It keeps me going.

These
Uncontrollable tears, however,
I could do without.
No more
Water-y, smudged
Black eyeliner...
No more
Lines of tear stains
Branching out
All over my cheeks...
I've run dry of tears.
And I know I'm
Stronger than that.

These gained habits
Push this further.
It's worse this time;
It's dangerous.

Maybe some
Exploration
Will give me the confidence I need
To overcome some of this.

A little less
Food
Will help;
Beauty doesn't come easy
To me.

I fear
For myself
Now,
For this time
There is
Nobody
To help me,
To stop me,
To save me;
Only to shove me off the edge.
I'll be crying out
To no one
As I fall towards
The end.

I Don't Deserve It

I don't deserve to live.
Living amongst such beauty
Is a privilege,
Yet I don't appreciate it
Enough.
Words and actions
That cause me to
Experience happiness
Should not exist.
Put me in a
Living hell
And give away my life
To somebody
That will take good care of it.
I don't want this life anymore;
I want to live a tragedy.
I'm not a good enough person
To live a life so great
And to know such
Amazing people.
Give me what I deserve;
Death.