I'm Only Getting Worse...

I fear
That I have slowly tipped backwards
Into what I have already gone through.
I fear, though,
That this time
It's worse.

Anger boils and builds up
Beneath my skin,
Just barely hiding
From visibility.
Don't get too close to me;
Once you're able
To sense my anger,
You'll soon
See and feel it as well.
My venomous words
And movements
Will leave you with
Permanent destruction.

This experiment,
Unliked at first,
Has become more
Of a habit of mine.
The searing pain,
The dripping blood,
The irresistable itch...

It has all become
An addiction.
This feeling I get
Is fuel for me;
It keeps me going.

These
Uncontrollable tears, however,
I could do without.
No more
Water-y, smudged
Black eyeliner...
No more
Lines of tear stains
Branching out
All over my cheeks...
I've run dry of tears.
And I know I'm
Stronger than that.

These gained habits
Push this further.
It's worse this time;
It's dangerous.

Maybe some
Exploration
Will give me the confidence I need
To overcome some of this.

A little less
Food
Will help;
Beauty doesn't come easy
To me.

I fear
For myself
Now,
For this time
There is
Nobody
To help me,
To stop me,
To save me;
Only to shove me off the edge.
I'll be crying out
To no one
As I fall towards
The end.