Love and care never disappears.

And there's that heart by his name that never truly fades away...

I keep having to remind myself he cares, because I forget.

These pockets; they hold secrets, you see. Because nobody knows the story.

All I really want is trust.

Narnia.

Surrounded by nothing but darkness
And silence.
Blinded as to where I'm going.
Narnia, I call it.
Covered in ice
This lovely Winter night.
I sit here and swing,
Alone in the dark.
I cannot feel the cold at all,
But I can hear it
Rushing past my ears
And brushing through my hair
As I go higher and higher.
I want to fly high enough
To leave.
I'll become part
Of the night sky...
Another bright star
For gazers to stare at
In awe.

Whispers all around.
No one is there;
I'm alone.
Stalked by the sound of
Venomous voices.
Although I cannot interpret
The words they speak of me,
Their whispers still string
Straight to my soul.
My legs won't carry me away fast enough
To escape the whispered words
Being whipped at me with full force.
With each slice,
My body and mind
Breaks down a little bit more.
Diminished and crumpled
Uncomfortable on the ground,
I must let failure have me.

As long as you hold on tight,
You won't be carried away by the
Rough winds...
Until you harshly
Are ripped away.
Nothing to grip onto.
You have no choice
But to let the tornado
Destroy you to pieces.

Cold air slices it's way
Through your body
At the speed of light,
And sharper than
The sharpest sword there is.
Frozen and stunned.
Feel the numb
Steal your body from you.
Only your mind and soul remains.
Frosty and icy,
Waiting.
Love can warm your heart
And help find your body
If not left for too long.

Have you ever noticed that when people meet, they tend to skip over learning the basics and try to dive straight into the deeper stuff instead?

For Christmas I wanted to give you my heart. But I couldn't because you slammed the door in my face and left my heart and I out there to freeze.

I consider myself to be emotionally strong. But I need to suck it up and quit being such a damn weak pussy when it comes to physical pain. I shy away from anything that could cause me physical damage, whether it be a hamster or moving while I'm sore... It's pathetic, really. I have to breathe in physical pain and stand up to it. Cutting makes me less weak. I suffer through the pain until it no longer hurts and I am not afraid. And I can release my anger that way as well.

Venomous.

I must learn to stop spitting out my words like venom at everybody. I have to instead be polite and patient. I throw my words like daggers sometimes, the same way I send daggers towards people through glares. I must also learn that violence is not the right way to get what I want, even though it may work well. Although subtle and no-so-physically damaging, what I do leaves scars and a bad reputation for myself.

Honestly.

I feel strength in telling the truth. It feels better than the devious feeling I get from telling lies. But lies tend to get me farther than the truth does. When I speak the truth, I become more and more alone. When I let people know me, they leave. Nobody believes me when I tell the truth, they only believe my lies.

I made a few wrong turns. I’ve led myself to the rough road to failure. I could turn around now and find my way back to the road to success… But I’m speeding down here so fast, that if I dare to try to slow down, I’m going to end up crashing. But if I continue going down it at this speed, I’m going to crash anyway. A high speed crash, which I’m heading towards, will likely end in an instant death for me… There would be no pain of having to walk back down this lonely road wounded and ruined, searching weakly for the right road; the road where I could get help and make my way to happy success. I could finally sleep and dream on forever and ever with nobody shattering it all…

Blossoming Cherry Trees.

A path that seems to go on,
And on,
And on...
Lined with blooming cherry trees.
Petals lightly floating through the sky;
Never do I see them hit the ground,
Yet there they lay.
Sun beams
Push their light through
Spreaded tree branches,
Breaking through
Into my fantasy
And touching me.
Warmth tickles my soft skin,
Bringing with it comfort
And light weight;
Light enough
To lift my feet off the ground,
Spread my wings,
And rise above
The height of the trees.
Golden clouds,
Pink skies...
A halo encircles my head.
I cover myself in white,
Flowy dresses that hug my body perfectly.
I'm free.

Never before
Had I felt the aching
Of a heartache
For somebody.
I don't know the pain of
A heart break.
And a heart breaks,
And a heart breaks,
And a heart br-aches
For you.
I... miss you.

Fire Burning, Fire Burning.

Red, dancing flames
Circle me
And warm me,
But never burn me.
But never burn me.
The comfort
Of darkness
That light could never bring.

I think, I think, I think, I think.
Thinking.
Thoughts.
That's all there is.
Who knows?
Nobody knows...
I think.

Poison touches
Burn the skin.

A piece of me is missing. And without it, I’m nothing.

Strength is in the truth. [Lies are for the weak and scared.]

“A thought that cannot be expressed is worthless.”

I must search
For a new warmth.
Because there is too much
Cold
Hidden deep within
The Dark warmth
That warms me now.

Resist, Resist, Resist.

It only takes that one moment
Where the urge is stronger
Than the reistance
For the urge
To overcome the resistance.
And then a mistake has been made;
One that can't be undone.

These will be my final goodbyes.

Empty Air.

I feel myself
Fading away
With each movement
That I make.
It's my time to leave,
I don't belong here anymore.
I can't stay
Here with you,
I'm sorry.
My faded smile
Will be the last
You ever see of me.

I'll freeze the pain away.

I'm Free...

You gave up.
My body is now free
From the strongest grip
That was had on me;
Yours.
I'm free
To leave life
If I so choose.
I ready myself
To welcome death to me
With open arms.
But with my
One last look back
To say goodbye,
I see his sad, loving eyes.
I couldn't bear to do this to him,
To shatter his soul
With my selfishness.

Hello?

Nobody exists anymore.
You're all gone
And incomplete;
Only a made up story
Inside my head.

Strength.

It's a fight between
Dark and Light.
Will there ever
Be a true winner
When each power
Is equal to the other?
Will Darkness
Overcome me,
Or will Light
Save me?

Give Up Hope.

Each falling eyelash
Is a lost wish,
Never to
See the stars.

I Don't Love You.

Why waste your time with someone
That you know you're never going to love?
Because once you've fallen in love,
You'll never want to spend a
Moment without them.
Stop wasting your time
With someone else.

I'm only going to ruin you.

You three
Hold me back.
But who
Holds me together?
I've fallen apart.

The words repeat themselves in whispers to me inside my head.

So many thoughts travel through my mind. I cannot engrave each one on paper. I can hardly grasp them all with understanding in my head.

Wishing Well.

Shit's going downhill for me. See, there's this well that I slipped into quite a long time ago. I always have been struggling to pull myself back out. But I constantly give up. The fire department was called to help me out by throwing me down a rope. But it was a shitty rope and broke under my weight. I fell farther down the well... I was so close to the bottom, I could have probably touched it or just taken a tiny jump to reach the bottom. But I decided that I'm too strong to just let go; so I'm struggling to climb up still. And it's hard. The farther down the well I am, the harder it is for anybody to see me. I slowly become invisible to everyone who won't look hard enough; to everyone who won't strain their eyes to see me.

I Can Feel It.

Is this my way
Of checking
If I'm still alive?
I'm not dead yet.

Sometimes I lose my grip,
And I just
Let myself fall.

I’m a monster.

Shattered Dreams.

Waiting
For something that will never happen...
For something that will never be.
Just give up already,
If you know that you're
Waiting on an
Impossible dream.

Stalk.

I sit here,
Waiting in the shadows.
I see you.
I watch you.
My eyes follow you closely.
And you're so unaware

Crumbling

I'm strong.
I'm stronger than this.
You can't break these walls.

We two
Lean on separate sides
Of my brick wall that is
Surrounding my mind,
My safety,
My emotions.
You're wailing your arms at it,
Punching until your knuckles bleed,
Throwing your small body at it,
Screaming until your lungs give out.
But I won't let you cross.
Harder I push,
Supporting my wall.
I stack more bricks,
I make it taller,
Thicker.
No one shall pass.

I won't grow weak.

Gritting my teeth,
Squeezing shut my eyes,
Ignoring shaking arms,
And I stand on my knees.
I'm pushing you away.

I'm no better than a child.

I'm trapped
Inside my head,
And there's no way out.

Shielded.

Sad eyes
Hidden behind
A curtain of
Soft, dark hair.

Crazy.

A war
Rages on
Inside my head.
I'm fighting
Against myself.
All is silent
But the scream,
Although
All but silence
Screams.
Silent screams
Escape closed lips.
Am I deaf?
Can't the rest of the world
Hear my cries
For help?
It's
So loud and clear
In my
Crazy head,
But
Craziness is ignored.
It doesn't exist in me,
It can't.
I can't be
Going crazy.
[I always have been.]
Help me.
I'm losing
This battle.
I give up.

Clouds...
They resemble snow.
Eye-level-
I'm a mouse
Buried deep in
The cold, fluffy
Ice.
Leap over
Snow drifts
Of foot prints...
Humans.
The world,
So big,
I cannot see an end;
White goes on,
Never ending.
Not the horizon
Can halt it.
Mountains,
These hills.
I won't make it.
A frozen ice sculpture
My body will be,
Hidden beneath
Layers of the icy fluff.
My mind becomes
A blinding white fog.
And I'll wait for
The day I melt,
My meltdown.
Come summer,
The fuzzy caterpillars
Will warm me.

An angel
Trapped
In the brightness
Of the clouds.

---

A face
Locked
In the grey storm.
Screams
Are silenced
By the wind.
Trapped
In a hurricane
Of tragedy.

I'm opening my heart,
But only for you.

Cave In.

Blinded
By the light
At the end of the tunnel.
Then it's gone...
Because I can't have it.
It's a tease,
It's a trick;
It's
Not really there,
It's not mine.
It's dark,
I'm alone.
I refuse you,
I refuse
The light.
Tears
Stream down
My face-
In my false
Reality-
Because I'm
Alone,
Even though
You're
Right
There.

You had me.
But then you threw me out
Like the piece of trash
That I am.

Someone

I sure could
Use someone...
I need
A hand to
Hold onto mine tight.
I need
Comforting arms to
Wrap around my body.
I need
A soft shoulder to
Cry on.
I need
Someone's soft lips to
Kiss so sweetly.
I sure could
Use someone
To love me.

Battery.

Canceled.
Because I need
One day;
I can't do this.
I have to
Lose myself;
Get lost
In my dreams.
A day
To cry,
To die...
If I could.
I need an
Escape
Before it's
Too late.
I'm fading,
Flaring,
Fading...
Almost
Gone.
Give me a break,
I can't handle it.
Fumbling,
Shaking -
This
Protective shield
I hold up
Is getting
Too heavy
For weak hands
To grasp,
To carry.
Recharge.

Death to You.

Stab a knife through your chest.
Feel the seering pain
Rippling through your body.
Watch the blood drip
Down your shirt
And off the knife.
Lay there,
And say goodbye
To the world.

It's Okay.

The tears
Don't stop coming.
Forever it seems,
They're there.
You fill your life with
People and things
That hurt you,
Tear you to shreds,
And shatter you to pieces
Until you're nothing more
Than a shriveled up
Thing
On the floor.
You take their hits
Like they don't leave bruises.
But once you're hit enough,
You won't be able
To handle it anymore;
You'll be too weak.
You are too weak.
You've made yourself
A sacrifice.
You're sacrificing yourself
For the lives of others.
You beat yourself
Down.
It's not their fault,
It's yours.
You need to escape,
But there's no way out
Of Life.
Just continue
To torture yourself;
You'll be fine.

I look only at the ground when I’m walking sometimes because I’m afraid to face the world.

You have to believe in something..

I believe in sweet dreams
That come true.
I believe in stars and the moon
That fill the night sky
And bring your wishes to life.
I believe in love -
True love that never ends.
I believe in fate;
We're all here for a reason.
I believe in you,
And I believe in me,
And I believe in all of the world.

Sweet Dreams.

Close your eyes
And let yourself
Tumble
Deep into a sleep
In which you'll never
Wake up.
Live your wished for reality
Through your dreams,
Then let your
Fantasized dreams
Become your reality.
Your imagination--
A world that's perfect
Just for you.
It's filled with
Beautiful disasters
That suit you too well.
But the
Puzzle pieces
Always pull themselves together,
Creating a
Temporary masterpiece
Ready to
Explode again
And continue the cycle
Of your
Realistic, never-ending
Dream.

Take my hand and let me
Help you
Out of the darkness.

Haunting Memories.

Muffled screams
Only exist in my head.
Cries for help
Never leave my mouth.
Struggles to escape
Bring insufferable pains.
Scars form...
Never forgotten...
Sprinklers don't distract me
From dirty hands
That wander.
Eyes from passer-by's
That connect with mine
Show no sympathy.
'It's all over soon,"
I tell myself.
But in my head
It never will end.
The memories will haunt me
For years to come,
Repeating themselves
Over and over
In my head.
Their touches will burn me
Time after time.
Fear lingers within me,
While scars slowly
Fade.

You are.
You. are.

I am.

I am.
You are.

...We are?

Alive.

Moonlit Night.

Staring up
At the beautiful moon
And its reflection
On the ocean-water surface
With green story-telling eyes.
Bits of the full moon
Are covered slightly by three
Thin and small clouds --
The only ones
Floating in the night sky.
The highlighted,
Pale-white skin
Seems perfectly flawless
In the bright moonlight.
A warm, gentle,
Summer breeze
Dances with the elegant,
Black silk, party dress.
Not alone,
Two sit together on a log
That's dug securely into the sand.
One arm each around the other,
And hands entwined,
A kiss could be shared.
Love electrifies the surrounding air --
True and pure soulmate love;
Tuned in as intently to the moon
As they are to eachother.

I lie everyday. I tell everyone that I'm fine, okay, good, but I'm not. Sometimes I wish they wouldn't believe me.

Windows to the Soul.

I see a story in your eyes.
It's beautiful.
They're beautiful.
You're beautiful.

Emptiness.

Sleep..
Sleep..
But your eyes won't close.
Body shut down;
Head falling,
Mind closing.
Laying,
Staring at the ceiling,
Emotionless;
Feeling nothing.
There are no shapes on the ceiling
Being created with your imagination.
No thoughts
Run through your head.
Blank. Blink.

Is This Reality?

My imagination is making my daydreams too real. They used to be an escape, a fantasy; now they're becoming a nightmare, something that I don't want, something I want to get away from and shut out. Never before had there been a time in the shower while daydreaming that I wished for it to stop and rushed to get out. The feeling this time was too real. The shaking of my body, starting with my hands.. The breathing, coming too fast.. The runny nose.. The need to sneeze.. The dry throat, begging for a drink.. The one tear that almost fell.. It was like I was crying, but I wasn't. It wasn't real, but it felt like it.

The Mirror.

i.
A mirror..
But it's not just any mirror.
Because you can see through it,
You can see into it.
What you see
Isn't just a reflection
Of yourself.
See what you want
As long as it's truth.
Just ask, name,
And it's there,
Future or present.

ii.
"Death of myself."
Gasping for oxygen;
Can't breathe;
But I only swallow salt water.
Throat burns, throat burns,
Eyes sting.
Arms flail in slow motion,
Searching for a grasp on something.
Sinking down, down, down.
Tranquility washes over,
Calmness surrounds,
Watery dreams begin.

iii.
"Me falling in love."
Bright daylight blinds,
Reflecting off the skin of another.
Blonde curls flow,
And a dress ripples gently in the wind.
In my mind,
Angel wings stick out of her back
And a halo floats above her head.
A sly one she is,
With a smirk on her face.
When eye contact is made,
She runs,
And I run after her,
Chasing a dream.

iv.
"A friend in trouble."
Blood oozes, trickles, drips;
Arms, legs, stomach.
A bottle of pills in a trembling hand.
Eyes glare at the reflection in the mirror
And the bottle tilts up slowly.
[My hands stumble to grab the phone and dial a number.]
The phone rings, a pretty song playing.
"H-Hello?"
"Put the bottle down,
I beg of you.
Clean your body
and cover up.
Don't die,
I love you."
Sobbing begins
And a life is saved.

Paranoid.

Stumbling through a rocky path,
Wandering into the woods.
Something's wrong, something's
Going to happen;
I can sense it.
I don't know where I'm going,
And I don't know when I'll be back.
I'm trying to escape from everything,
But I just can't.
Everywhere I go
I'm being followed
By the hauntings of my life.
I'm struggling to hide
From them,
They keep finding me.
And they've gotten me lost now.

Taste the Rainbow.

I hadn't seen such colors since I was a young child, perhaps around eight years old. 80 years later, I finally got to see the magnificent colors of the rainbow again. All my memories flooded back to me as i viewed the fading rainbow from the hospital window. This would most likely be the last time I would ever get to see something so beautiful. I was happy though, that of all the possible things to see before I was to die, it was a simple rainbow. I imagined myself sitting there, atop the arc of the rainbow, in the near future. Nobody would be able to see me, but I would be able to see everything and everyone, along with all the beauty of the world.

I remember back when I was eight and I would chase the rainbows, trying to reach the end to receive the pot of gold that was supposedly there. I never once arrived at the end of the rainbow though. I juwst ran, running after something that would forever be just out of reach. Soon, though, maybe I will finally be able to take a look at the end of the rainbow and see if that pot of gold really is there.

Rip.

I gazed out the window of the red van in thought. Interrupting my thinking, I felt a finger poke my cheek.

“You had an eyelash on your cheek, see,” she explained to me once she noticed the weird look on my face I had given her. I glanced down to the finger she held towards me with an eyelash gently resting on it. “Blow the eyelash off,” she said.

“Why? “ I asked, confused.

“Because you get to make a wish when you blow an eyelash off your finger, just like what you do with a dandelion,” she spoke about it like I should have already known that, but she had an excited tone to her voice.

It took me a few seconds to think of a wish to make, the right wish. ‘I wish I could fly,’ I thought in my head as I finally rid her finger of my eyelash with a quick blow.


I sat on my bed, leaning my back against the pillow, with my face looking up to the ceiling while I thought about what my friend had told me that day. I wondered if the wish would come true or not; it would be so sensational to fly. It was a large wish on a small thing though, so the chances were low. But what if I had a ton of wishes and made the same wish each time? Then maybe my wish would come true. I would have to wish for more than just to fly though, because I’d have no wings. Fairies had wings, and I had always loved fairies; to be one would be nice.

I slowly raised my hand to my eye and swiped my finger across the tips of my eyelashes. Carefully, I gripped a patch in between my thumb and my pointer finger, and took a breath in. With a sudden strong movement, I ripped out the patch of eyelashes. My other hand was quick to cover my eye from the pain and put some pressure on it to lessen the pain. I turned to face the open window, brought the eyelash clump close to my face, and I closed my eyes. ‘I wish I was a fairy, I wish I was a fairy, I wish I was a fairy…,’ repeated several times in my head. My eyes began to open and I looked up to the sky, searching for the stars. I believed that if my eyelashes reached the stars then my wish would come true. So over and over, I ripped my eyelashes out until there were none left and I was immune to the pain; I was determined to have my wish come true.

My eyes felt naked come the next day at school; my eyelashes had before protected me from the stares of others into my green eyes. I never expected the questions I had received at lunch time though.

“What happened to your eyes? They have no eyelashes,” a younger girl I didn’t know pointed it out.

“I, uh, I ripped them out,” I managed to quietly stutter out.

“Why would you do that? Wouldn’t that hurt?” she pressed on with more questions that I didn’t want to answer.

“No,” was all that I replied.

Thankfully the bell had rung and I quickly escaped back to class, hoping that nobody else would ask. Nobody did. I was relieved to know that there were no more questions, I hated lying.

---

[Grade 5.]

Picture day came, months later, and as my mother curled my hair she finally noticed my lack of eyelashes and asked what happened to them.

“I don’t know. My eyes are itchy and I rub them a lot, so they probably all fell out,” I lied so casually, she believed me. God damn my lies.

I shouldn’t have said that; my mother instantly thought I must have had something wrong with my eyes. Many times I would convince her that I didn’t need to see a doctor, and that I didn’t need eye drops. How long would it take her to just get used to it?

By that time, in grade 5, my wishes had changed completely. I no longer wished to be a fairy; that wish only lasted me 3 days. I had gone through multiple wishes since then. For 5 days I wished to be an angel, imagining what it would be like to protect somebody while wearing a halo above my head and have white, fluffy wings protruding out of my elegant dress. And for 3 months I wished to be pretty, I wished so hard; my wishes had become more realistic with time, but were still a far off fantasy.

---
[2 years later, grade 7.]

My eyes staring at the board never noticed the girl sitting diagonally to me staring intensely, studying my looks. It caught me completely by surprise when she blurted out “why don’t you have any eyelashes?”

“Uh, -” she cut me off before I even had the chance to speak more than an “uhm.”

“Did your eyelash curler rip them out? Mine’s done that to me before when I first starting using it. It hurts, doesn’t it? Once you learn to use it better, you won’t have that problem anymore,” she continued to ramble on, and I just gave a small nod, tuning out her annoying voice.

I no longer wished for anything when I blew away my eyelashes at that age, I only pulled them out as a habit, a bad habit.

---

[Grade 9, quitting the habit.]

I ripped them out when I was angry, frustrated, stressed, upset, or nervous because it felt good. I wanted my long eyelashes back again, I longed to feel them against my pillow when I blinked, and I wished to swipe my finger across them once again. Two months had been the longest I could ever resist the temptation. Each time they grew to a certain length, I gave in and relieved myself from the urge.

---

Grade 11 now and I struggle still to grow them out to their full length. But I’m determined to do it.

Dear Poets,

All your poetry set in rhyme
Has put me into a rhyming time.
In rhyme, I write.
So simple, so light.

I don't have a rhyming mind,
So all of these are quite a find.

Bunny Ears.

Clouds drifting across the sky:
Fluffy white things floating by.
Funny shapes they come in:
Dragons, giraffes, and bowling pins.

Run Through Forests.

Darkness crossed
Over the mountains where I was lost.
Into the woods, I was not safe;
For I was only a waif.
Weak and trembling;
A thin tree, resembling.
Not fit to survive,
I would die, deprived.

Tweet Tweet.

Birds chirp, birds sing;
That’s your cue to start leaving.
Hurry now, daylight comes;
Run before your body numbs.
Creep back in, settle down,
That’s the end of your night out on town.
Close your eyes, get some rest;
Snuggle up in your nest.

Storm Coming.

It’s an hour away from sunrise
As I look out to sea with open eyes.
The boat rocks back and forth,
Roughly sailing in direction North.
Waves crash over the side;
The crew is in for a dangerous ride.
Clouds covering overhead,
That’s not what the forecast read.
Children cry and children scream;
Please tell me this is a dream.

Vanilla, Baby.

Feel your taste buds come alive
With each spoonful that arrives.
Swallow slowly, make it last,
Let it remind you of your past.
The flavor hits you with a splash,
Each memory comes; flash, flash, flash.

We Live in a Horrible World.

Do you ever just sit there and cry because you're really thinking about how horrible the world is? Do you ever feel like just dying because you simply don't want to be a part of this terrible world we live in, as selfish as that may be?

I'm Fine.

Just..
fine.

I'm Blind.

I wish I had perfect vision, so I could see the world how I once saw it before.

Do You Write?

Searching for something to write,
But there's nothing there.
Digging deep,
Like you're trying to reach the lava below the ground,
But you've hit an impossible rock to break through.
You look up and see the sky above you;
Do you write about that?..
Those fluffy white clouds that look like
They could blanket you up in their warmth?
Except they're cold and wet.
Tiny gusts of wind swirl by,
Lifting your hair up as it passes,
And turning grass sideways..
Do you write about that?
Birds chirp as the morning sun rises
And wakes them from their cozy nests in high-up trees..
Do you write about that?
How about the sea, do you write about that;
The waves crashing onto the sandy shore,
Washing away the drawings you made with fingers or sticks?
Do you write about the colorful rainbow stretching across the sky?
Many people taste it,
So it must taste good..
I want to try it.
At night, fireworks make their presence known with a bam
Of colors and shapes and sparkles and sounds..
Do you write about those
When the right occasion for them pops up?
When snow sprinkles down in Winter,
And covers the ground perfectly in white,
Do you write about that?
You can go frolic through untouched beauty
With your partner by your side,
Hoping they won't shatter your heart
And break it into tiny, unfixable pieces..
Do you write about that;
Your love for that one person?
The friends who comfort you
Once your heart breaks,
And feed you buckets of icecream
And bars of chocolate..
Do you write about them?
Do you write about death,
Afraid that it's going to snag you when you least expect it
And torture you for hours with unimaginable pain
Before it finally lets you go?..

If not, what do you write about?

Don't Go. Please.

It's killing me to watch you fall. I never told you that.. But I'm telling you now, if you even read this post that is. I really hope you do. Because you need to know that there is somebody out there who cares about you a great deal, and would miss you like crazy if you were no longer here. I don't care if we've met or not, because we will one day. We already have it planned out, remember? You promised; don't break your promise to me. Please, stay.

Hopefully you know that I'm talking to you in this post.. I don't think it's necessary for me to say your names?

I'm Not Alone.

There's somebody else out there who has realized that everybody in this world is alone; I'm not the only one.. Finally.

Scars.

Scarring means nothing to me now. You can try to scar me, but I'm already too scarred in my life to let it get to me.

Moonlight Shine.

Oh,
What a beautiful night;
There's not a flaw in sight.
The glasses make all the difference,
Between clear and blur.
Seeing it all so clear
Is like the world has suddenly
Lighted itself up in front of my eyes.
Just a flickerflicker, then surprise.
The beauty of the night sky had been forgotten
From childhood.
But now,
I can see it all over again
In a different view.
The smooth, pale full moon
Shines so bright;
I had been living in the dark for far too long.
Three small clouds surround three sides,
Top, right, left,
With one covering slightly the moon,
But the moon still peeks through.
The ocean's watery surface reflects,
Adding to the image
Of the beautiful pale full moon.
Off in the distance,
A cruise ships sails;
The lights from all those rooms,
Just tiny specs of orange to me.
Heading East, there's those oceanside mountains;
Right to left, they get higher into the sky.
Pink and purple skies glow
Behind the tip-tops and side-edges.
Where the sun dips down
Below the horizon,
Black colored clouds are scattered
In an arranged pattern,
With a few tree tops and power lines
Blocking a piece of the view.
It's all the perfect picture,
If only I had had a camera.

It's Bound to Happen.

"And I might, and probably will most likely, be dead when you get back home here, so don't be surprised. I mean, I'm already dead on the inside; it's only the outside of my body that's left, still alive. So what's the point of me staying alive? I just keep dying more and more, again and again. Nobody is going to bring me back to life."

Good Morning, Sun.

That unexpected bright blue,
Sunny sky
At 6 in the morning
Catches me by surprise
And wakes my tired eyes.
I've closed myself off in this
Warm, dark little room for so long
That I
Forgot how early the sun comes up shining.
I got too used to those
Cold, dark, grey, cloudy skies
Of beautiful snowy Winter
That accepted my negativity
With a simple little
Smirk.
If this sun sticks around
And the heat gets turned up,
Then maybe,
Just maybe,
I can hide my sorrows
And be happy.

Hidden.

No, I’m not here anymore, not really.
I’m only hiding in the shadows,
Whispering and watching.
I’ll be that voice in your head,
I’ll be that little swirl of wind,
I’ll be there;
You just won’t see me.
Maybe if I hide long enough, I’ll be forgotten.
It will be just like hide and seek.
I’m too good at hiding, and I’m too easy to forget.
I’m so quiet and so small;
Barely noticeable amongst the screaming crowd.
Once forgotten and left behind, I’ll crawl out
And take a look around before walking the other way
No one will see me,
And I’ll be free;
Free and forgotten.
I may get lonely every now and again,
But what’s that matter?
I’ll get through it.
You’ll move on,
And I’ll watch you stumble through the stages.
I won’t let my guilt wash over me.
I can just stuff it in my pocket and
Hope that it only shows a little bit,
If any at all.
Trying to stuff a thick bandana
In a skin-tight,
Tiny pocket
Doesn’t always work out well.
It’s going to be such a struggle to not voice myself;
I’ll need to tape my mouth shut with duct tape
And clamp my hands overtop,
Just to make sure.
A spy blowing his cover ends in a disaster,
Unless he’s a ninja too.

Summer,

Where all your secrets will be revealed..
But not really.
In fact, it’s
just
that
one.

On My Own.

Off in my own world, doing my own thing, as usual. It's no longer just a whenever, whatever thing.
It's me. You can't prevent me from being me.
Try, and you can enjoy watching me go against you without hesitation. I won't let you stop me from doing the things that I love and want to do, because you don't and can't control me.
I am my own person, a unique individual, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
This is me.

That's Right.

It makes me smile when I see how completely right I am.
It makes me smile more when others notice too.

...

The saddest thing
is death
because
it's
The End

Deep in the Darkest Night.

Deep in the darkest night
When there's no spark of hope,
We must be points of light
Piercing the darkness;
Bright as the dazzling stars
In an indifferent sky.
And in our cruelest hour when the hope is gone,
We'll raise our heads
And we'll journey on.

Deep in the Darkest Night - Dracula: The Musical

Sorry for just posting lyrics from musicals in the last two posts. I'm not just doing it randomly, there is reasoning behind it.

The memory of the wonderful sound of their voices filling the theatre as they stood on the staircases and on the stage singing that part of that song will never leave me. For some reason, I really enjoyed that. It made me feel... full, content?

Willy Wonka.

Come with me and you'll be
In a world of pure imagination.
Take a look and you'll see
Into your imagination.

We'll begin with a spin,
Traveling in a world of my creation.
What we'll see
Will defy explanation.

If you want to view paradise,
Simply look around and view it.
Anything you want to, do it.
Want to change the world,
There's nothing to it.

There is no place I know
To compare with pure imagination.
Living there you'll be free,
If you truly wish to be.

...

You will find in your mind
There's a world of endless fascination;
No more fun place to be
Than your own imagination.

You can dream any dream,
You can savor every situation.
Life in there's
A sensational sensation.

If you want to see magic lands,
Close your eyes and you will see one.
Wanna be a dreamer, be one,
Any time you please,
And please save me one.

There is no place to go
To compare with your imagination.
So go there to be free
If you truly wish to be.

My Fantasy?

Is this really real,
Or am I just living in an imaginary world again?
Is this a dream?
Is this my reality;
My fantasy?
What is this?
I can't tell if it's true or not.
Is this all fake?
Have I fallen into a trap;
Deep in a hole that I can't climb out of?
Or am I still standing on the surface of this Earth,
Waiting for my time to fall?
I don't know.
I just don't know.

Hold My Hand.

My hands feel lost without yours to hold onto.
The spaces between my fingers feel so empty without your fingers intertwined with mine.
The palm of my hand and the sides of my fingers grow cold from the wind rushing past them without your hand warming it all up.
My hand will reach out for yours the next time we meet, so it can feel right again.
It will be perfect.

Drifting..

You're floating away across the world.
Soon we'll be seas apart.
How will we make our way,
Find our way,
Back to eachother?
Or are you over me,
Done with me,
Waving your final goodbye to me
As your body becomes a tiny dot on the horizon?
I'll miss you,
I miss you.
Please don't go.
I'm reaching out for you,
Just grab my hand and I'll pull you back to shore.

Laying in the Grass.

I let my body drop to the ground gently, relieving my feet after hours of walking.
I quickly wave my hands above the ground, feeling the heat radiating off of the ground and covering my hands in warmth.
Laying down on the soft grass feels so nice.
I stare up into the pure blue sky without my glasses; never had I seen such a beautiful blue sky.
If I glance over to the right, I can see the sun peeking through the trees, distributing light to make pretty patterns on the ground.
I can hear the birds chirping in the distance, singing me a lullaby.
I close my eyes.
When I awake, bright white stars are scattered across the night sky.
A crescent moon shines across my face, giving the illusion that I have a pale complexion.
A cool breeze sweeps itself across my body, and attempts to steal my hair away.
As I close my eyes once again, a small smile spreads across my face.

Our Beautiful Masterpiece..

Close your eyes.. and listen intently.
My spoken words are like a melody.
They're full of emotion and character.
They're inspiring and moving.
They all flow together so smoothly.

Can you feel it?

But I don't just want my song to dance through your head like a graceful ballerina.
I don't want you to only hear the sound of my passionate voice.

I want to paint a picture.

Open your eyes.
What do you see in front of you?
A blank canvas.
All those deep words that dug a hole in your head to settle into, disappear the moment your open your eyes.
Poof. Gone.
Because you were painting your own picture inside your imagination..
But now that your eyesight has taken over, all you can see is that blank canvas.
There's no expression on my face as I speak these words of wisdom and power.

Help me paint a picture;
Close your eyes again and tell me what you see.

My face lights up as our words combine with a colorful splash.
We've created a masterpiece.
A beautiful song for all that are blind,
And a painted picture for the deaf to stare at in awe.

Falling..

My grip on the rope loosened for a second.. just one second
Without warning, my hands slipped off of the rope,
And that falling sensation sprung through me
As I fell deep into this pit of darkness.

I'm losing sight of the light;
The bottom fast approaches.

Closer and closer..
Closerclosercloser
BAM!
I hit the bottom.

I'm now stuck in this deep and dark hole,
Struggling to climb my way out.

I'm free.

I'm branching off,
I'm breaking away,
Spread my wings and soar through the sky.
I'm free.
No longer a closed door am I;
The door has swung open,
Like a sudden throw of my arms outwards.
Each secret once held inside my safe flees free,
as if a gunshot rose to shoo the flock of birds.
The log is turned over,
Hidden wood bugs scatter each and every direction,
Searching for a place to hide.
Luck has run out,
The spotlight shines,
I succumb to the stage fright too easily.
Frozen,
A beautiful ice sculpture from head to toe.
Uncertainty surrounds,
Warning incoming traffic to steer clear.
Alone,
No sense of belonging,
Help seems too far out of a call;
The crowd walks away from the one glued to the floor, crying aloud for a savior.
Left alone for too long in the wind and the rain,
Erosion begins to occur;
A slow and effective breakdown.
One more inch and I've fallen off the edge,
Deep into the pit,
A pit of no returns.
The expected light appears;
The light of a gentle hand.
Though awkward and uneasy,
It's a hand that suddenly gets a grasp on me,
A hand to guide me through the sea of pain back into the light of true happiness -
A place unknown to a sad young girl like myself.
But the grip on the handlebar loosens
As overwhelming confusion takes a snag,
Snaking itself up my body,
As stress coils itself down.
"Stay calm, don't panic,"
A tender, caring voice whispers.
"This breeze will soon come and whisk you away,
And you'll be a beautiful butterfly again, today."

Admire the beauty of a red, red rose.

A red rose.
Bright, beautiful, and full of life.
A smile spreads across my face upon seeing just one simple red rose be placed into my hands.
Living its life sitting inside a small vase filled with pure water.
One leaf gently breaks off two days later, swaying back and forth, making its way down to the ground, coming to a rest on the area directly in front of my toes.
I bend my body over slowly and smoothly, scooping the detached leaf into my cupped hands before rising up to a straight-backed stand.
A look of empathy and sorrow crosses through my eyes as I stare at the now-dead leaf in the palms my hands.
I know that the rose's life is starting to fade.
One week later, I visit my beautiful rose again.
It's petals are wilting, struggling to stay up and alive.
Two of three thorns have fallen off the rose and sunk to the bottom of the vase.
I lend a helping hand to the rose, allowing it to hold itself up temporarily.
Both of us are determined to keep it alive.
Three days pass before I check up on my lovely rose again.
The petals are wilted and dried up, partially turned a dark dark red and black in a few rare spots.
The vase once filled with water is now empty, not even a drop left.
All is dead as I carefully carry the rose outside and place it atop the pile of compost.
The once bright, beautiful, and alive rose is now dark, sorrowful and dead.

I'm sorry.

All those times you claimed you loved me,
And all those times I broke your heart.
All the good times that turned to nightmares,
And our conversations that turned to dust.
You kept me together, and I broke you apart.
Look at me now, I'm a pathetic-looking mess.

Ignore me.

I'm only a whisper amongst screams,
A breeze, not high winds.
So don't listen to me, don't feel me,
Even if I'm right and if I'm nice.

The beautiful demon.

Teeth, fanged and ready to sting
Lips, stained a natural blood red
Eyelids, shadowed by dark smudged makeup
Eyes, piercing green with specks of gold dust
Hair, flowing gently with the wind
A beautiful demon strikes again

Leave now.

The last words are spoken
It's now time to leave
Gather your belongings
And pack them in your bag
With anger running through your body
Sorrow trickling down your face
Give one more glance of hatred
Before you close the door
And leave your old life behind
Prepared to start all over again

To do..

To dream..
To wish..
To desire..
To imagine..
To believe..

To see..
To admire..
To envy..
To hate..
To pity..

To adore..
To love..

To live..

I'm non-existent.

I’ve become so alone in this world,
It's almost like I don't exist anymore.

I just have to hope
That there's at least one person out there
That knows who I am,
And still loves me for me.