Hide Your Face

If I tilt my head down,
Draping my hair over my face
So I can’t see you,
Then maybe I’ll become lucky enough
For you to not see me either…
Because my face is
Too ugly
To be in the
Public eye.

What have I become...

Fake Emotions

Every smile is a fake
Because this happiness
Isn’t what it seems.
It almost comes with more
Sadness and tears
Than smiles and laughter.

Your happiness is fake too,
I know.

Beautiful Tears

I’m crying, and I know you’re crying too.

Tonight, I sleep in a puddle
Of a mix
Of your tears and mine
Together.

Fallen Pyramid

One minute you’re standing on top,
And the next you’re sitting on the bottom.
But you don’t know how you got there;
You just know how much you’re hurting
By being there now…
And you know you must have hit many others
On your tumble down,
Making them hurt too.

I Could Love You...

Have you ever seen a person,
Talked to a person,
Known a person,
And thought
‘I could love them.’

Goodbye, Innocence

Desperately
Stripping away innocence
So fast
With fear and disgust.

Then standing there
Naked and humiliated,
Begging for it back,
But knowing that it’s
Lost forever.

Cat Scratches

Blood rushes through my veins,
Begging to be let out.
Slight scratches penetrate through
The surface of my skin,
Making it all the more tempting
It would look natural still;
Highlights would just be added
Is all.

You're a Participant.

How long can you resist the urge,
Let’s see.
This is all just a test,
And it’s all just a game.

Bring Me to Life

In the final moments before your death
You wish a million things for yourself that you’ll never get.

I Want You Here

I stand here, speechless, watching you walk away from me.
And when you look back at me with your begging eyes,
I just look down at the ground, ashamed.

NaPoWriMo Poem #30

Liars are
What I hate,
Yet I am
One that is
Horrible for lying,
So I must hate myself.

I have the talent
To lie to ones
Who trust me
And love me
Without them
Ever knowing.
And there’s
No doubt
That
I take advantage
Of this.

I can tell lies
From truths
Normally.
I have to say
Normally
Because I
Didn’t see yours.
Your lie has hurt me
Much more than ever expected;
I won’t forget it.
I can’t help
But to think about
Your lie now
And the pain it caused me
Whenever I
Lie to somebody
I care about.
So curses to you
For causing me to feel guilt
About my talent.

NaPoWriMo Poem #29

You’re beautiful, dear,
You are.
We’ve been through hell and back together, my dear,
We have.
I followed you following me down the deep path of our well,
And we’ve done so now so many times.
I promised to be with you through this all
And forever,
And I won’t break my promise to you.
We carry each other and pull each other and help each other,
And we never stop doing so
Because we know that
Alone,
We’ll fall again.
So with you I will stand,
Holding your hand
And keeping us strong
No matter what comes our way.

NaPoWriMo Poem #28

Three…
I only have three…
Three regrets.

i. Things overwhelmed me,
Panic settled in,
Hope was lost,
And there seemed to be
No other better choice.
Although I knew that
I could not do it right,
And I knew
The consequences of my actions,
I did it anyway
Out of pure
Desperation.
Because of this
I lost the one
I needed
And loved
Most.

ii. Peer pressure is
Underrated.
Some people will do
Anything
To fit in with the rest.
Some others are just
Afraid
To lose people,
So will do what they can
To keep them,
Even if that means losing
A few
Brain cells.

iii. Why couldn’t I
Just say yes?

I got tangled up
In my own
Strings
And caught up
In my own
Game.
I fucked myself over
By trying
To fuck everyone else over.
I put too much on my plate
And dropped it,
Letting everything
Go flying
In every which direction.
I’m scrambling to
Collect it all again,
But some are lost now
For good.

I should have just said yes
And saved myself from such
Disaster.

NaPoWriMo Poem #27

Blessed with a high intelligence,
But wasted potential you are
When you act like
The rest of society;
Stupid.
Don't be so afraid to
Show what you have,
Even if it means
Losing the ones you
Hold close to you,
Because not doing so
Lost you
The most important ones
Of all.
And now you're left
Regretting your stupidity
And unable to get them back.
Rip yourself
Out of this loophole
Of stupidity
You've put yourself in
And remake yourself.

NaPoWriMo Poem #26

That
Was my pathetic attempt.
What the fuck
Happened to me?
What happened to
Who I used to be
And what I was able to do?
I’ve become a weak little bitch;
I’m susceptible to
Everyone and everything around me.
Where has my strength gone?
Have I really
Been beat upon so harshly
That I’ve become
This weak and scared?
This will be fixed.

NaPoWriMo Poem #25

I feel
So fucking
Manipulated and controlled.
I’m not used to
Being the one
Dangling on a string.
He’s got me danglin’
And doesn’t even know it.
Just like his brother
He’ll be;
And just as attached
I’ll be.

NaPoWriMo Poem #24

This is for the wishing,
And this is for the hoping.

I’ll casually pluck
Long-grown eyelashes from my eyelids
And gently place them
One-by-one
On my fingertip.
I’ll turn around to face the window,
To face the sky,
To face the moon
And the surrounding stars.
I’ll close my eyes tight
And whisper my wish inside my head;
I don’t want to scream it
Because it would hold
Less meaning to me if I did.
When I open my eyes,
I’ll blow my eyelash to the sky
With the slightest breath-blown wind.
In my imagination,
The wind carries it
All the way up into the sky
Till it hits the moon
Or its stars;
There, my wish will be
Taken into consideration.

NaPoWriMo Poem #22

I wanted to apologize,
I wanted to explain.
I went straight up to your door,
Placed my finger on the doorbell,
Then said “fuck it,”
Turned around,
And started walking home
Just as the rain poured down.

Although I wandered off
Until darkness settled in.
Drenched in cold rain,
Enough was enough;
I needed a roof.
Hopped on a bus,
Heading for home.
Stepped off back into
The blinding rain,
Ran across that street,
And bam-
Gone without a goodbye.

NaPoWriMo Poem #21

Until I am no more.

Sink my body in the ice-cold ocean
Until I am no more.
Scratch my soft skin into
A shreded, bloody mess
Until I am no more.
Let me run into the distance
Until I am no more.
Let me breathe throughout my entire life
Until I am no more.

NaPoWriMo Poem #20

I’ve been
Put under
Such a large amount
Of stress
And pressure
Lately
That it’s made me
Afraid.
All I am now
Is afraid to do
Or not to
Anything.
The fear is
Disabling me
From functioning
Properly.

NaPoWriMo Poem #19

Let’s switch bodies for a moment…
I want to be the one who’s able
To tower nearly a foot above
And wrap their long arms
Around your tiny body
In a giant teddy bear hug.
I want to embrace you
Into a warm, comforting hold.
I want to act as a
Protective shield for you.
I want you to
Bury your head in my chest.
I want to know
What all that feels like.

NaPoWriMo Poem #18

You grip my hand in yours,
Dragging me along with you
As if you’re afraid I’ll run away
If there’s a moment when you
Don’t have a hold on me.
You wrap your arm
Around my waist,
Showing all eyes
Looking in this direction
That you have me
Claimed as your own
Even though you don’t.

NaPoWriMo Poem #17

I used to
Protect you
From nightmares.
Now
I am
A nightmare.

NaPoWriMo Poem #16

When you’re walking
And you just have to
Stop
Because you don’t know how you got there.
Everybody turns around
To give you a questioning look
And tell you to hurry up,
But all you can do
Is stare at them.
Who are these people?
Why are you with them?
Where are you?
What are you doing?
And you
Don’t know.
Then everything changes…

NaPoWriMo Poem #15

From each finger of yours
Dangles a string
In which a person hangs.
You must be careful now, though
Of who you choose to be
A contestant.

Yes, that’s right,
This is all just a game.

Don’t just
Flail your fingers around aimlessly,
Because you should be afraid
Of who might latch on to your
Empty strings.
Effortlessly, you may wave them,
But keep an eye out
For which fish are grabbing on.
Knock off whoever
Poses a danger to
Your reputation or your heart.

Twirl your fingers slowly,
Wrapping up your toys;
The fragiles should be kept closest to you.
Search their bodies for
Thin strings attached elsewhere
And cut them;
They belong to you.
Give each one their
Moment of glory
By showering them with attention,
And keep their interest
With spices of affection.
Let them attach themselves
To you;
They’ll open themselves to you more
And then you’ll have access
To all that you want
To use.

Drain them,
Then cut them.

NaPoWriMo Poem #14

That monster that’s inside of you,
The one that’s attempting to devour your entire being…
I know him.
Although he did not sit in my body
The same way he sits in yours,
I am familiar enough with him
To know what he can do.
I recognize his effects on you already
And am scared.
If I had known what you were leaning into
Earlier,
I’d have warned you of this evil being
And saved you from his wicked grasps.
I don’t know what to do now, though,
Seeing as my experience with him
Was much different than yours is.
All I can do
Is sit here
And witness him
Strip you of yourself,
Praying that you’ll climb your way
Out of his grimy hands.
I fear that if I
Step too close to you,
He might crawl back into me
And torture me
As well.

NaPoWriMo Poem #13

The price to pay
For a little
Sane insanity
Is high.

Everything here
Goes in
Circles, and circles, and circles…

Sit back,
Relax,
And enjoy.
Close your eyes
And feel
Your body
Spinning and flipping,
And your stomach
Lurching
In every which way.
Open your eyes
And notice
The views
Rushing past
Your vision
With all the
Colorful, flashing lights.
The music
Pumps itself
Through your
Entire body,
Drowning out
Screams.

Spending my
Days and nights
In a place
That mirrors
The inside of my mind
Feels so nice.

NaPoWriMo Poem #12

This page
Beckons and calls me,
But all I’m able to do
Is stare blankly at it.
What can I do though
When I have nothing more to say?
The only words I have
Are too much
For this one poem;
I can’t even
Get them out of
My head
And into
Spoken or written words.
Anger blocks the way
Of words exiting my mind,
And I’m having troubles
Breaking down that barrier.

NaPoWriMo Poem #11

Spring is here
According to the calendar.
South-easterlies
And threats of snow
Tell me otherwise.
With hopes of
Warm weather
Coming soon,
I buy
Flowery dresses
So to
Take a bold step
Out of my comfort zone
When things heat up.
Nature messes with our heads
By teasing us with sun,
Then throwing at us
Cold rain and wind.
Tiny, pink flowers
Bloom from branches on
My sweet cherry tree,
Showing a clear sign that
The worst will soon be over.
Obnoxious birds
Tweet conversations
Across the sky
And flee from me
Whenever I step near them.
With such confusion
Of which season
It truly is,
I give up
On hiding inside my cloud
And instead plan out
A sunny future.

NaPoWriMo Poem #10

Warm water showers down
Upon my head,
Dripping rhythmically off my nose.
Warm water pounds at my back
Before slithering its way
Down my every body part
Until it
Comes in contact with
The tiled floor.
My fingers gently
Brush
Through my thick hair,
Washing out strawberry-scented shampoo.
The movement
Continues
At a slow, steady, trance-like pace
Without my awareness
Of it.
I place my mind elsewhere,
Losing myself
In a tornado
Of stressful thoughts.
As I focus
On the regrets I have
And my inexcusable
Stupidity,
My body reacts angrily.
Gentle fingers
Brushing through my hair
Tense up,
Speed up,
And then direct their force
Towards my skin,
Clawing
With intensity
At pale, flawless innocence.
My teeth search for
Areas inside my mouth
To rip apart;
They’re not satisfied
Until blood threatens
To choke me.

I step out of
A supposed relaxing escape
Covered in
Scratches on the outside
And holes on the inside.

Fornow

I feel so
Unsafe
Without you…

You were my happiness,
My protection…
You were the one to hold me
Close to you
And shield me,
The one to take my hand
And claim me as yours,
The one that made me feel
As if I’m not alone…

I just feel so
Naked,
Vulnerable,
Cold,
And alone
Without you
By my side.

NaPoWriMo Poem #9

I admire
What has always been
Above me:
The sky.
It’s always full
Of brilliance
For me.
With the sun
Providing Earth
With intense heat
And light,
And the moon and stars
Shining
So bright and beautiful
For me
When I need them most.

I wish that one day
I will be among
That which I admire most;
I will sparkle and shine
For you all.

NaPoWriMo Poem #8

These holes
That cover my skin
Represent
The holes
That are all over
My heart.
They’re left open
And unattended,
Bleeding.
Some holes
Get stabbed at
Too many times;
Others are only
One-shot deals.
It’s the holes
That are so lonely
And separated from the rest
That hurt the most, though;
Being stabbed at
Constantly
In one place
Allows you
To ignore the pain
Over time.

And although the holes
Heal
Physically,
They leave their marks
So I’ll never
Forget them.
And I know
They’ll be back.

I See the Sky

It hit so hard.
[I fell face first.]
I had no time
To put my hands out.
The ground
Slapped me
With such force
That I'm still
Left in a daze,
Unsure
Of where I am,
And what I
Need to do.

Farewell, Maybe.

If I leave,
Please,
Don't blame yourself
Or anybody else
For this.
It has nothing
To do
With anybody
Or anything
But myself.

Nothing will ever be enough.

It hurts...
But I know
That I deserved it.
And I still
Deserve worse.

NaPoWriMo Poem #7

Life is never worth it;
If you've been told differently,
Well,
You've been lied to.
That's no surprise, though;
Lies surround you.
You can't trust anybody,
I'm telling you;
Every honest person
Is a liar.
You're told
What you want to hear,
With faked emotions
And meaning
Behind it all.
It's kind of funny though,
Because lies
Are the worst
Things you can tell;
It's such a shame
That that's
All anybody will
Ever have
For you.

NaPoWriMo Poem #6

When it takes
So little
To destroy me,
I need
To back up.

I can't believe
A word
Spit from any mouth
Anymore.
I can't
Let anybody
Know me;
Nothing secret,
Nothing personal
Shall be known.
I can't allow
Closeness
To exist for me.

I just can't.

I will be
The one
That's there,
But so silent,
Unnoticed,
And unknown.

NaPoWriMo Poem #5

Anger builds up,
And up,
And up,
And it's all for nothing.
But there has to be release,
Because it's still there.
I'm desperate;
Any way to get rid of it
Will do.
I can't function
Properly
With such anger
Building up,
And up,
And up.

NaPoWriMo Poem #4

I can disappear too.

I can so easily
Remove myself
From the eyes
And lives
Of others,
Yet still be here.
From the shadows,
I can watch
As life goes on
Without me.
Nobody will realize
That there’s
One less person present.
Without the
Dramatized exit,
One can fade,
Hide,
Slowly
Disappear…

Just like that.

NaPoWriMo Poem #3

I use my dreams as an escape,
As many others do.
Life becomes too much
For me to bare,
So I slip away
To my most familiar place
That can shield me
From the horrors
Of the world around me.
It is there,
In my dreams,
Where I wander so freely.
Everything lies under
My control;
Nothing is able to
Catch me offguard.
Although I know
It's never real,
[It's all just fake fantasies]
I belong in this world
Of make-believe
More than I do
In reality.

I'm a dreamer
Caught up
In her own dreams;
I think
I'm meant to be
The dream,
Though.

So, if trying to escape from
My reality,
I die in my dreams,
I'll be as content as can be.

NaPoWriMo Poem #2

Time repeats itself.

Everything’s okay
At first;
Faking is easy.
I get ideas
Too easily though…
Ideas form
From the smallest of things,
And grow into the
Perfect, flawless plan;
No action is taken, though.
Little steps
Towards my goal
Are taken;
Cut by cut…
By cut, by cut, by cut…
By slice.
I cover my body
With layers of fear-
Fear that somebody
Will find out my secrets.
When the fear
And the stress
Piles up
And I become overloaded,
I know I have to hide;
I’m too much of a mess
To shield myself
If I expose myself to the public.
So I’ll sleep;
My dreams relieve me
From the reality I live,
And save me
From too-curious persons.
But the loneliness hits hard…
I’m left alone, like I asked,
Even though that’s not what I
Truly wanted.
I realize
That nobody understands…
And I wonder if my departure
Would really even matter
At this point.

NaPoWriMo Poem #1

Dancing sparks
Flitting from side to side,
Trickily dodge one another.
Slowly, they rise
Up into the
Cold air
Of a Winter night’s sky,
Glowing
Like orange and red fireflies would
Against a black, starless background.
Our comforting fire burns so bright
That the light illuminates
Out to curious eyes miles away.
Huddled around the fire
We stand,
Begging the colorful
Flames of the fire
To give us the warmth we need
To last us through till sunrise.
Our happy laughs bounce
Back to our ears,
Along with the sounds
Of our guitar and songs.
The glow of the fire
Highlights the smiles
Plastered on everyone's face.
There's just
No way
For one
To remember
Why
They were ever sad
To begin with
While they're part of this.

I'm Not Alone

Laying together
In bed,
With me comfortably
Resting my head upon
Your chest.
The sounds of
The beating of your heart
Pulsing through my ears
Mixed with the
Up-and-down motion of my head
As you
Breathe so gently
Makes it so
Easy
To doze off
Into a light sleep.
It’s so relaxing,
Calming, comforting,
And safe…
Every time
After waking up from quick naps with you,
It feels so nice
To feel your hand
Holding mine.

I'm Only Getting Worse...

I fear
That I have slowly tipped backwards
Into what I have already gone through.
I fear, though,
That this time
It's worse.

Anger boils and builds up
Beneath my skin,
Just barely hiding
From visibility.
Don't get too close to me;
Once you're able
To sense my anger,
You'll soon
See and feel it as well.
My venomous words
And movements
Will leave you with
Permanent destruction.

This experiment,
Unliked at first,
Has become more
Of a habit of mine.
The searing pain,
The dripping blood,
The irresistable itch...

It has all become
An addiction.
This feeling I get
Is fuel for me;
It keeps me going.

These
Uncontrollable tears, however,
I could do without.
No more
Water-y, smudged
Black eyeliner...
No more
Lines of tear stains
Branching out
All over my cheeks...
I've run dry of tears.
And I know I'm
Stronger than that.

These gained habits
Push this further.
It's worse this time;
It's dangerous.

Maybe some
Exploration
Will give me the confidence I need
To overcome some of this.

A little less
Food
Will help;
Beauty doesn't come easy
To me.

I fear
For myself
Now,
For this time
There is
Nobody
To help me,
To stop me,
To save me;
Only to shove me off the edge.
I'll be crying out
To no one
As I fall towards
The end.

I Don't Deserve It

I don't deserve to live.
Living amongst such beauty
Is a privilege,
Yet I don't appreciate it
Enough.
Words and actions
That cause me to
Experience happiness
Should not exist.
Put me in a
Living hell
And give away my life
To somebody
That will take good care of it.
I don't want this life anymore;
I want to live a tragedy.
I'm not a good enough person
To live a life so great
And to know such
Amazing people.
Give me what I deserve;
Death.

Never Die.

I wish for,
One day
When I am no longer breathing,
My words to be
Well-known and read
To many to come.
These words have meaning
Important for others
To know.
Each word is a puzzle piece;
Puzzle pieces
Made of my personality
And thoughts
And feelings.
But I am an impossible puzzle,
For the pieces shall never
Fit together perfectly;
It will just
Never make sense.
I am an imperfect,
Confusing person.
I am in thousands of
Puzzle pieces
Scattered all over,
Never to be finished.
Just put me back in my box
And walk away
While I collect dust
And deteriorate.

Love and care never disappears.

And there's that heart by his name that never truly fades away...

I keep having to remind myself he cares, because I forget.

These pockets; they hold secrets, you see. Because nobody knows the story.

All I really want is trust.

Narnia.

Surrounded by nothing but darkness
And silence.
Blinded as to where I'm going.
Narnia, I call it.
Covered in ice
This lovely Winter night.
I sit here and swing,
Alone in the dark.
I cannot feel the cold at all,
But I can hear it
Rushing past my ears
And brushing through my hair
As I go higher and higher.
I want to fly high enough
To leave.
I'll become part
Of the night sky...
Another bright star
For gazers to stare at
In awe.

Whispers all around.
No one is there;
I'm alone.
Stalked by the sound of
Venomous voices.
Although I cannot interpret
The words they speak of me,
Their whispers still string
Straight to my soul.
My legs won't carry me away fast enough
To escape the whispered words
Being whipped at me with full force.
With each slice,
My body and mind
Breaks down a little bit more.
Diminished and crumpled
Uncomfortable on the ground,
I must let failure have me.

As long as you hold on tight,
You won't be carried away by the
Rough winds...
Until you harshly
Are ripped away.
Nothing to grip onto.
You have no choice
But to let the tornado
Destroy you to pieces.

Cold air slices it's way
Through your body
At the speed of light,
And sharper than
The sharpest sword there is.
Frozen and stunned.
Feel the numb
Steal your body from you.
Only your mind and soul remains.
Frosty and icy,
Waiting.
Love can warm your heart
And help find your body
If not left for too long.

Have you ever noticed that when people meet, they tend to skip over learning the basics and try to dive straight into the deeper stuff instead?

For Christmas I wanted to give you my heart. But I couldn't because you slammed the door in my face and left my heart and I out there to freeze.

I consider myself to be emotionally strong. But I need to suck it up and quit being such a damn weak pussy when it comes to physical pain. I shy away from anything that could cause me physical damage, whether it be a hamster or moving while I'm sore... It's pathetic, really. I have to breathe in physical pain and stand up to it. Cutting makes me less weak. I suffer through the pain until it no longer hurts and I am not afraid. And I can release my anger that way as well.

Venomous.

I must learn to stop spitting out my words like venom at everybody. I have to instead be polite and patient. I throw my words like daggers sometimes, the same way I send daggers towards people through glares. I must also learn that violence is not the right way to get what I want, even though it may work well. Although subtle and no-so-physically damaging, what I do leaves scars and a bad reputation for myself.

Honestly.

I feel strength in telling the truth. It feels better than the devious feeling I get from telling lies. But lies tend to get me farther than the truth does. When I speak the truth, I become more and more alone. When I let people know me, they leave. Nobody believes me when I tell the truth, they only believe my lies.

I made a few wrong turns. I’ve led myself to the rough road to failure. I could turn around now and find my way back to the road to success… But I’m speeding down here so fast, that if I dare to try to slow down, I’m going to end up crashing. But if I continue going down it at this speed, I’m going to crash anyway. A high speed crash, which I’m heading towards, will likely end in an instant death for me… There would be no pain of having to walk back down this lonely road wounded and ruined, searching weakly for the right road; the road where I could get help and make my way to happy success. I could finally sleep and dream on forever and ever with nobody shattering it all…

Blossoming Cherry Trees.

A path that seems to go on,
And on,
And on...
Lined with blooming cherry trees.
Petals lightly floating through the sky;
Never do I see them hit the ground,
Yet there they lay.
Sun beams
Push their light through
Spreaded tree branches,
Breaking through
Into my fantasy
And touching me.
Warmth tickles my soft skin,
Bringing with it comfort
And light weight;
Light enough
To lift my feet off the ground,
Spread my wings,
And rise above
The height of the trees.
Golden clouds,
Pink skies...
A halo encircles my head.
I cover myself in white,
Flowy dresses that hug my body perfectly.
I'm free.

Never before
Had I felt the aching
Of a heartache
For somebody.
I don't know the pain of
A heart break.
And a heart breaks,
And a heart breaks,
And a heart br-aches
For you.
I... miss you.

Fire Burning, Fire Burning.

Red, dancing flames
Circle me
And warm me,
But never burn me.
But never burn me.
The comfort
Of darkness
That light could never bring.

I think, I think, I think, I think.
Thinking.
Thoughts.
That's all there is.
Who knows?
Nobody knows...
I think.

Poison touches
Burn the skin.

A piece of me is missing. And without it, I’m nothing.

Strength is in the truth. [Lies are for the weak and scared.]

“A thought that cannot be expressed is worthless.”

I must search
For a new warmth.
Because there is too much
Cold
Hidden deep within
The Dark warmth
That warms me now.

Resist, Resist, Resist.

It only takes that one moment
Where the urge is stronger
Than the reistance
For the urge
To overcome the resistance.
And then a mistake has been made;
One that can't be undone.

These will be my final goodbyes.

Empty Air.

I feel myself
Fading away
With each movement
That I make.
It's my time to leave,
I don't belong here anymore.
I can't stay
Here with you,
I'm sorry.
My faded smile
Will be the last
You ever see of me.

I'll freeze the pain away.

I'm Free...

You gave up.
My body is now free
From the strongest grip
That was had on me;
Yours.
I'm free
To leave life
If I so choose.
I ready myself
To welcome death to me
With open arms.
But with my
One last look back
To say goodbye,
I see his sad, loving eyes.
I couldn't bear to do this to him,
To shatter his soul
With my selfishness.

Hello?

Nobody exists anymore.
You're all gone
And incomplete;
Only a made up story
Inside my head.

Strength.

It's a fight between
Dark and Light.
Will there ever
Be a true winner
When each power
Is equal to the other?
Will Darkness
Overcome me,
Or will Light
Save me?

Give Up Hope.

Each falling eyelash
Is a lost wish,
Never to
See the stars.

I Don't Love You.

Why waste your time with someone
That you know you're never going to love?
Because once you've fallen in love,
You'll never want to spend a
Moment without them.
Stop wasting your time
With someone else.

I'm only going to ruin you.

You three
Hold me back.
But who
Holds me together?
I've fallen apart.

The words repeat themselves in whispers to me inside my head.

So many thoughts travel through my mind. I cannot engrave each one on paper. I can hardly grasp them all with understanding in my head.

Wishing Well.

Shit's going downhill for me. See, there's this well that I slipped into quite a long time ago. I always have been struggling to pull myself back out. But I constantly give up. The fire department was called to help me out by throwing me down a rope. But it was a shitty rope and broke under my weight. I fell farther down the well... I was so close to the bottom, I could have probably touched it or just taken a tiny jump to reach the bottom. But I decided that I'm too strong to just let go; so I'm struggling to climb up still. And it's hard. The farther down the well I am, the harder it is for anybody to see me. I slowly become invisible to everyone who won't look hard enough; to everyone who won't strain their eyes to see me.

I Can Feel It.

Is this my way
Of checking
If I'm still alive?
I'm not dead yet.

Sometimes I lose my grip,
And I just
Let myself fall.

I’m a monster.

Shattered Dreams.

Waiting
For something that will never happen...
For something that will never be.
Just give up already,
If you know that you're
Waiting on an
Impossible dream.

Stalk.

I sit here,
Waiting in the shadows.
I see you.
I watch you.
My eyes follow you closely.
And you're so unaware

Crumbling

I'm strong.
I'm stronger than this.
You can't break these walls.

We two
Lean on separate sides
Of my brick wall that is
Surrounding my mind,
My safety,
My emotions.
You're wailing your arms at it,
Punching until your knuckles bleed,
Throwing your small body at it,
Screaming until your lungs give out.
But I won't let you cross.
Harder I push,
Supporting my wall.
I stack more bricks,
I make it taller,
Thicker.
No one shall pass.

I won't grow weak.

Gritting my teeth,
Squeezing shut my eyes,
Ignoring shaking arms,
And I stand on my knees.
I'm pushing you away.

I'm no better than a child.

I'm trapped
Inside my head,
And there's no way out.

Shielded.

Sad eyes
Hidden behind
A curtain of
Soft, dark hair.

Crazy.

A war
Rages on
Inside my head.
I'm fighting
Against myself.
All is silent
But the scream,
Although
All but silence
Screams.
Silent screams
Escape closed lips.
Am I deaf?
Can't the rest of the world
Hear my cries
For help?
It's
So loud and clear
In my
Crazy head,
But
Craziness is ignored.
It doesn't exist in me,
It can't.
I can't be
Going crazy.
[I always have been.]
Help me.
I'm losing
This battle.
I give up.

Clouds...
They resemble snow.
Eye-level-
I'm a mouse
Buried deep in
The cold, fluffy
Ice.
Leap over
Snow drifts
Of foot prints...
Humans.
The world,
So big,
I cannot see an end;
White goes on,
Never ending.
Not the horizon
Can halt it.
Mountains,
These hills.
I won't make it.
A frozen ice sculpture
My body will be,
Hidden beneath
Layers of the icy fluff.
My mind becomes
A blinding white fog.
And I'll wait for
The day I melt,
My meltdown.
Come summer,
The fuzzy caterpillars
Will warm me.

An angel
Trapped
In the brightness
Of the clouds.

---

A face
Locked
In the grey storm.
Screams
Are silenced
By the wind.
Trapped
In a hurricane
Of tragedy.

I'm opening my heart,
But only for you.

Cave In.

Blinded
By the light
At the end of the tunnel.
Then it's gone...
Because I can't have it.
It's a tease,
It's a trick;
It's
Not really there,
It's not mine.
It's dark,
I'm alone.
I refuse you,
I refuse
The light.
Tears
Stream down
My face-
In my false
Reality-
Because I'm
Alone,
Even though
You're
Right
There.